I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
