I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
