i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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