I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
