she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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