I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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