I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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