Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
