My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
