its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize