My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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