Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
