She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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