he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
