Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
