I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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