C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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