please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
