Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Mom said you looked used
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
