Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
