Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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