I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
