It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
