Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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