You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
