lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
