Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
