She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
