Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
