Non-Jews are for practice
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
