If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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