i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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