so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
