is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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