just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
