Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
