During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
