Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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