her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
