just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
