Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
