After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
