Who did Billy Mays play for?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
