i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Text me some of your sweat
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
