Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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