we're chasing vodka with high fives
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
