i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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