I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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