Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You brought string cheese to the strip club
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
