she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
