I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
