he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
