I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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