I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
