I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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