I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
