Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
