i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
