At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize