I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
