We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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