drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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