just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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