I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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