On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
