I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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