Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How does one acquire holy water?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
