yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
